Archive for October, 2013

How does this happen? How do I learn to trust IMPLICITLY? What does implicitly mean?

Meaning of implicitly: In an implicit manner; without reserve; with unreserved confidence

Do I trust him without doubting or questioning Him? Do I have FULL confidence in the goodness of God?

All these questions are because I am struggling with trusting his goodness in His decisions what the consequences of the fall would be. I am 19 weeks pregnant and feel the havoc that it wreaks in my body even at this early stage. I feel the aches and pains and know that it will only get worse till delivery. Ok, so I look forward to delivery. Oh no, that’s right I don’t look forward to delivery. I look forward to 1 minute AFTER delivery. There is going to be a pain filled day and if I am fortunate it will be just a couple of hours full of pain before delivery and before I get to see and hold the precious little one that we are anticipating. BUT even if it is only a couple of hours they are FULL OF PAIN!!
How do I trust without questioning Him when I have this to look forward to? How do I claim his grace as I struggle through each day to stay on top of caring for my family even when I didn’t sleep well or my back aches, or, or, or. . .

And then I look at what the man’s consequences are from the fall. Well, it feels like those consequences also affect us as women. We feel the effect of needing to work hard and sweat and having thorns and thistles grow.
Man’s part of the curse:“cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return.”

In my humanness, I say, Dear Lord, didn’t we as women get a double dose? Don’t we as women feel both affects of the fall?

In all these thoughts, how do I rest and trust that God has only our good in mind. I do feel like every pregnancy has been a pruning time for me. It never fails that I struggle with these same thoughts and feelings. And every time I come back to I just need to trust, to give it to Him, to tell Him about how I feel. I never find answers that completely satisfy and take the struggle away for the next time.
So I wrestle. . . I cry out to God. . . I ask for grace for each new day. . . I also realize that God will give grace and strength when the time for delivery come. . . but that doesn’t take the fear and anguish away. . . and yet I again say “God, I WANT to trust you implicitly. . . Increase my faith”.


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